229

We are up in Eagle River, WI with the family relaxing and enjoying the weekend. I feel truly relaxed and unburdened here on the porch with the river less than ten feet away from me.

Something about this place always calms me, grounds me and satisfies me in a way that no other place does.

For my friends on twitter who haven't wandered over here on their own, here are the most recent portrait updates, that  didn't get a chance to tweet out at you. 226 and 227, as well as 228.

I hope everyone has a peaceful relaxing fulfilling day.

228

I'm not sure I get Faith, that is Spirituality and God.

I mean, I understand it on a cognitive level, but I just don't get it. I don't FEEL it. I think in large part because of the actions that people will justify in the name of faith. This is of course an argument that many have taken.

It seems that people are the problem, which is sad, because I really do believe in people, in humanity. It's just, well, things are pretty fucked up.

So when I think about faith, God, I have to remove people from the equation. That automatically disqualifies all codified religion. It's all bullshit to me.

Bullshit.

If I had to pick a position, I'd say I'm agnostic.

I have a hard time believing if I curse, if I say goddammit that I'm taking a black mark on my soul. I have a hard time believing if a Jewish person eats pork they're on the way to hell. I have a hard time believing that Muslim women need to bury themselves under yards of cloth.

I have a hard time believing that if I jump up and down three times, spin around in a circle on one foot while blindfolded and reciting some kind of chant I will gain acceptance into heaven, whatever that is.

I understand the power of ritual for people, for humans. I get that, but connecting it to God, and laying down a law about it? That I don't get.

I had an experience when I was in high school, I had a pretty hefty report due on a Monday and I of course had not done any work at all on it. It was Sunday, and the realization that I was royally screwed by my endless procrastination had set in.

So I prayed the desperate prayer of a kid, and I asked for there to be no school on Monday and I promised if there wasn't that I would buckle my ass down and write that report on Monday no matter what.

We had no school on Monday.

Some kid had broken into the bus depot and threw rocks through the windows of a bunch of buses. They cancelled school because they couldn't transport the kids.

I wrote my report.

What I do know is the foundation I have within that guides me and gives me the understanding of who I am and how I want to live my life. Some might say that that is God, but I don't know that and I don't feel that. When I have a quandary, when I need help or guidance, when I can't find the answers within I talk to the people I trust and love, I listen and I reflect and I resolve. Some of these people are of faith, and some are not. That is not what matters to me, what matters to me is that I trust them, that I love and respect them.

I'm not really sure where I'm trying to go with this, I don't have a conclusion, an epiphany or revelation. It's something that's been on my mind lately.

226

I feel really good today. It was a good day in general, at work, I did a positive thing, talking to my boss, thanking her for some things that are too long winded to go into here, but thanking her nonetheless and having a good positive conversation with her. I think it's fair to say that we built a stronger connection, laid a stone in the foundation so to speak.

Today was also the first day of membership to the gym I joined. It's pretty perfect, I drive right past it going to/from work so it's terribly convenient and it's not a crowded gym, which is also nice, allowing me to move freely through the workout.

I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have ever wanted to exercise, to work out. In the past I have tried to exercise because I knew it was better for me, would help me be healthier and would help me live a happier life. Despite all of that knowledge I never wanted to exercise.

Now I do. I want to exercise in a way that is freeing and rewarding. The workout today felt so refreshing, the energy I felt afterwards and the glow of happiness was enriching and carried me through the rest of the evening with my wonderful-happy-making-delightful-sassy-naughty-wife.

Of course my arms feel like Jelly, but I like that feeling too. I know that I exerted myself and worked the muscles instead of just making a token effort and going through the motions as I had done in the times past when I went to a gym.

227

Making up for missing yesterday's portrait, and just feeling fine.

Titles: Portrait a Day - 226 and 227

Size: 6"x9"

Price: $15

Media: Digital Photograph

Date: 07/01/2010

For purchase information email: spyros [at] marinatingthemind [dot] com for details

225

I am cheating today, today is the first time I have ever used a portrait I took on a previous day. The portrait from today is one I took yesterday while working towards the portrait I finally selected for yesterday.

I paused on this portrait for some time and I really like it for a couple of reasons, but it didn't quite fit what I wanted to say yesterday, so I filed it away for later use.

Today I decided to cheat and use it as my portrait, because I like it enough that I want to use it as part of this series, and because I am forgoing the time in the studio so I can be with my wife tonight who isn't feeling well.

I like this portrait because it feels feminine to me, sensual and curvaceous, which are adjectives, feelings, sensations that are not generally ascribed to men.

But I have a feminine element, hell, it's larger than an element, I feel like the ratio of male to female in me leans stronger to female than it does male. I'm not even sure how to say this yet, this might not be making sense, sometimes it doesn't exactly make sense to me.

Based on the five paragraphs I have started and deleted here, I need to think about this more to be able to clearly talk about it, so I am going to have to leave this as it is for now.

"I cheated today"

Titles: Portrait a Day - 225

Size: 6"x9"

Price: $15

Media: Digital Photograph

Date: 06/29/2010

For purchase information email: spyros [at] marinatingthemind [dot] com for details