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Days 270 - 272
I was very dark and a bit dramatic yesterday.
The truth is, I spent the entire day inside my head, whipping myself into a frenzy. I tried not to, but I couldn't stop myself.
You would think that we wouldn't be so fucking hard on ourselves wouldn't you.
I put myself into this limbo, this empty space that goes back a good couple of months really, put myself into this nothingness and pretended I was just chilling, that I was transitioning, moving through the in-between space.
I was not.
I was frozen, I had trapped myself inside and just...
...left.
Yesterday was a breaking, I couldn't take it anymore yesterday, after spending the day building the storm inside myself it had to escape, maybe I had to whip myself into that emotional and mental frenzy in order to let myself go again. I'm not really sure except that the darkness that I let out into the portrait and into my drawing yesterday was a relief to give up.
At that point I did want to give up, but I didn't, and today, today I let some more out. Today I screamed again, I poured the emotion and energy that had been lingering, festering into the screaming and I feel better now.
In a way I feel foolish over yesterday, childish. Sometimes I feel like the portraits, this exercise is too dark, it is certainly darker than it is lighter, and maybe this is the place that I put my darkness, that I set it free so that it doesn't hold me...
...except that it was holding me.
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Title(s): Portrait a Day - 270 - 272
Size: 6"x9"
Price: $15
Media: Digital Photograph
Date: 08/17/10
For purchase information email: spyros [at] marinatingthemind [dot] com for details
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